Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to practice. When we have been repeatedly hurt, we build walls to protect ourselves, and our hearts tend to harden to as a defense mechanism to avoid the hurt that comes with a wrongdoing.
There is a popular saying that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person. I cannot deny this. I have allowed things that people have done to me to stew into bitterness, and it deeply affected me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It also bled into other relationships as bitterness left me blind. I wanted those people to realize they were wrong in their actions. But in holding onto unforgiveness, the only person who suffered was me, and as hard as it was, I had to let it go so that I could be free.
There is a popular saying that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person.
Summer Still
As hard as it was to forgive others that have may have severely hurt me, there is someone that I struggled much more to forgive.
That person was me. I could not forgive myself.
I have struggled with beating myself up over my flaws and mistakes before anyone had time to point them out. I also have allowed myself to become my worst critic, feeling as though I am falling short and consistently failing, leading to self-depreciating thoughts and actions.
Forgiveness is freeing, but I felt helplessly trapped in shame and condemnation because I could not extend that same grace for myself that I had for others. With this, I had trouble accepting the grace that Jesus extends to me through faith and believing in Him.
As a Christian, I do believe that we are to forgive others, and when we forgive others, God will forgive us our sins.
And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
Mark 11:25 NKJV
How can we truly accept that forgiveness when we cannot forgive ourselves?
This pattern can lead us to believing that we are unredeemable and unworthy of a grace and forgiveness that is freely given to us if we simply get out of our own way and mind and get into His mind for us.
In His mind, we are chosen. We are precious. We are redeemed. We are forgiven.
As long as I am merely flesh and bone, I will mess up, make mistakes, and fall short.
And that is okay.
By the grace of God and extending that grace to myself, I can dust myself off, repent, rise, and grow as a follower of Jesus.
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