The Only Motivation for Leadership that Lasts

“God did get angry with him because he didn’t want to,” my mother chuckled one day in the kitchen.

“No,” I responded, pondering this thought. “God wasn’t angry because He didn’t want to; God was angry because He said He couldn’t do it.”

Truths settle into your soul regardless of circumstance and, standing there in the kitchen, truth sunk deep into me like a stone.

God spoke with peace and power (and through a burning bush) when He called Moses. But when Moses asked God to send someone else, Moses wasn’t wrestling like Jacob who held on for a promise; he was denying God’s ability to do the work.

Allow me to share my perspective on the human condition. We are all in search of a beauty that is beyond us. We all want to matter. We vainly work neglecting priorities, thinking we are something when we are not, believing our self-deception rather than dealing with the truth.

We are people.

I don’t always want to do what God asks of me. I love inadequately far more than I love abundantly. I allow apathy as evinced by my pursuit of pleasure and think myself competent when I am, in fact, helpless.

I am a person.

Yet when it comes down to it, God is not angry that we are imperfect people struggling with desires. He is upset when we contradict His power to work through us.

When it comes to answering the call of God, motivation is key. There will be times, as many of you know, when you simply don’t want to go. Leading is difficult. It is bitter at times, demoralizing, agonizing, even. That is okay. It is okay to wrestle with God. There will be times when you feel that you can’t. However, when God says you can, you can. Through Him, you can.

God was calling Moses to leadership that day and, perhaps, He is calling you too. Maybe there is an undeniable stir in your soul, that pull to lead from the Spirit. I have felt such a pull; I have resisted much like Moses did, like you may be resisting right now. This journal entry captures a time in my life when I realized only one motivation could keep me in leadership.

3.22.19

“I remember vividly weeping bitterly at the altar last October. I knew while it was happening that I would not forget it. It was a turning point, or at least a strong, flashbulb representation of what was going on with He and I at the time. And I just remember wrestling with Him, wrestling for drinking the cup filled with bitter and sweet. He was asking me to lead and I knew the cost all too well. And I was just so tired. I remember feeling so…that bitterness, you know? But also, the joy of it. All at once. A strange and alarming mixture.

And I said yes, in the end.

You know why?

There are so many reasons why people lead, and I discarded all of them without a thought. The only thing I could think of during that entire encounter was Him. I was dry sobbing bitterly and all that consumed me was the look on His face. He didn’t have to say a word, but I knew what He was asking of me. And yet I knew I could say no. I knew that face. Full of love and tenderness and faith in me and perhaps a little sorrow at my own sorrow.

I decided because I loved Him. Ultimately, that was the only thing that mattered.”

As my experience on that October evening illustrates, true beauty is found when we see His face and make the decision to do it for Him. Ultimately, no other motivation will last. So, leader, when you’re feeling weary in all your well-doing, do not lose heart. Go back to the place where your heart and His heart intertwine and stay there a while. Only then can you do what He has asked of you.