The One Person I Could Not Forgive

There is no doubt that forgiveness is one of the most difficult things to practice. When we have been hurt so many times, those walls seem to build and our hearts tend to harden to as a defense mechanism to avoid the hurt that comes with a wrongdoing. 

We have all read quotes and articles stating that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person. I cannot deny this. I have allowed things that people have done to stew into bitterness, and it not only affected me but also my relationships. I wanted those people to see that they were wrong in their actions, but all it did was try to destroy me. As hard as it was, I had to forgive them so that I could be free. 

As hard as forgiving others that have wronged me, there is someone that it was MUCH more hard to forgive.

That person was me.

I am sure many can relate to this. If someone finds fault in a mistake or a flaw of ours, rest assured, we are aware and have been beating ourselves up about it. 

I am my own worst critic. I constantly feel as though I am falling short and failing, and I tear myself down about it.

Forgiveness is freeing, but I forever felt trapped in shame and condemnation because I couldn’t extend that same grace for myself that I do for others.

As a Christian, I do believe that we are to forgive others, and when we forgive others, God will forgive us our sins. 

How can we accept that forgiveness when we cannot forgive ourselves?

God is constantly having to remind me to show grace to myself as I show grace to others. I am not perfect. I am merely flesh and bone. I am going to mess up, make mistakes, and fall short. 

That’s okay. 

I will rise, dust myself off, repent, and strive to grow better each and every day, moving forward forgiven and redeemed.