Dealing with Losses

We must realize that as long as there is life, there is death. When God begins something, He will also make an end (I Samuel 3:12). It is the Lord who kills and makes alive. He is the One who brings things down to the grave and brings them up again (I Samuel 2:6). He maketh sore, and bindeth up. He woundeth, and His hands make whole (Job 5:18). The issue is not whether loss or death is coming or not; the issue is the way we deal with the deaths that are inevitably coming in each of us. It might be a sad reality for some of us – a truth that is difficult to embrace. But remember, God always has a purpose.

Donna Williams, a leading counselor who specializes in grief ministries, said that “Life is conditioned by small and significant daily losses.”  It might be ironic, but it is death that conditions the beauty of life. God uses our losses, both great and small, to refine our life.

DEALING WITH LOSSES

David

In II Samuel 12:19, the first son of David with Bathsheba died. The way David responded to it was remarkable:

But when David saw that his servants whispered, David perceived that the child was dead: therefore David said unto his servants, Is the child dead? And they said, He is dead. Then David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.

II Samuel 12:19–20

It is certain that David wanted his son to live; he had days of prayer and fasting to ask God to let his son live. But when he heard the news that his son was already dead, he fixed himself, went into the house of the Lord to worship God, and moved on. It does not mean that David did not feel the pain and bitterness of losing a child. It only implies that he knew that God is still on the throne whether heaven answers his prayers or not.

Job

In Job 1, after hearing all that had happened to his children and his properties, Job said in verse 21:

Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

Perhaps what happened to Job’s life was the most tragic event that can befall in one’s life. He lost his family and all his properties, his wife asked him to curse God and die, his friends criticized him, and his body suffered from boils. Job, however, still retained his integrity and sought to bless the name of the Lord. Again, this does not mean that he did not feel the pain and bitterness of losing people and things that are dear to him. It only means that his worship was not dependent on what he has or does not have. 

Death was not able to take away Job’s reverence to his Creator. For him, worship is not about certain feelings; it is about who God is. David said in Psalm 34:1, “I will bless the Lord at all times.” Indeed, worship is a decision.

​Jacob

It is no doubt that Joseph is Jacob’s favorite son. In my point of view, this gave Joseph the confidence and boldness to speak about the dreams he had to his family. His colorful robe and dreams might not be the only reason why his brothers were so jealous; I believe that Jacob was so in love with Joseph that he forgot to be careful about dealing with his other sons. 

When Joseph’s brothers conspired against him and finally sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver (Genesis 37:28), they took Joseph’s coat – the symbol of what is dearest to Jacob – and dipped it in the blood of the goat they killed. Notice what happened next:

And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son’s coat or no. And he knew it, and said, It is my son’s coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.

Genesis 37:32-33

None of Jacob’s sons told him that it was Joseph’s coat. No one said that Joseph died. They simply let their father decide if it was Joseph’s robe or not. Jacob’s response was to take the evidence presented to him, make a wrong interpretation of it, and not live by faith. He started to mourn for his son for many days, not knowing that his son was alive. His sons and daughters tried to comfort him, but he refused to listen to them (Genesis 37:35).

Jacob’s attitude towards his loss was entirely different from David and Job’s response. This is the reason why God allows His people to suffer from death – He wants to correct our attitude towards it. He doesn’t want His ministers to depend on the things which they treasure. The world needs people who can stand for God even after everything falls apart. 

Yet I Will Trust in Him

One of the most important things required in any relationship is trust. I believe that any relationship cannot survive without the ability to hold that the one with whom we have a relationship is reliable.

Our relationship with God cannot stand without trusting in Him. We serve a God who does not depend on our expectations. There are times that we cannot understand His ways. There are painful situations in our lives that He will not choose to explain to us. His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8).

John the Baptist, who surrendered his whole life to God as a Nazarite, experienced a familiar situation. After his powerful ministry and his declaration of Christ as the Son of God, he was imprisoned and was about to be killed. In his frailty, he doubted God. He sent two disciples to confirm if Jesus is the Messiah, or shall he look for another (Matthew 11:6). He forgot how God gave him the sign – dove – to confirm his declaration. I imagine John, an upright follower of God, on the death row, and just few minutes away from his scheduled death. His mind must have been filled with questions that God didn’t choose to answer until the very time of his death.
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Jesus said to the disciples whom John had sent, “Blessed is he, whosever shall not be offended in me” (Matthew 11:6). Sadly, a lot of people get offended because God didn’t meet their expectations – the way they wanted it to be and at the time they wanted it to happen. But again, blessed is he who will not be offended in His ways.

A day like the day when John the Baptist questioned God awaits us all. Gene Edwards said, “It is unavoidable because every believer imagines his God to be a certain way, and is quite sure his Lord will do certain things under certain conditions. But your Lord is never quite what you imagined Him to be.” 

Faith says, “Now!” Hope says, “In the future…” But trust says, “Though it never happened, and though I cannot understand, yet will I trust in Him!” (See Job 13:15).

How we deal with the bitterness of death is important to God. He wants to correct our attitude when we lose some people, things, dreams and prayers in our lives. He wants to teach us that as long as He is still on His throne, there will always be a reason to move forward.